Let's talk....

Listen I know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me I promised that I wouldn't fall from the face of the earth. That I said I would stick to a schedule and then I just disappeared.

best snuggles ever

To be fair, you're right. But in my defense.... I was hogtied in the back of some van tired* see picture to the right.... And there's a little human that demands every bit of my attention when I am awake and let's be honest, He deserves all of that and more. And well I have a little story to tell you in order to make it all okay and for you to forget forgive the fact that I completely fell far from the face of the earth. There's a little back story and some suspense. I know what you're thinking. This is going to be so... Boring. And, well you're probably right. HOWEVER it's something I've wanted to do for a long time like years and I'll explain why I haven't and then we can all feel warm and fuzzy again inside?

So, whaddya say? Deal? Deal!

Okay so it all started in 2011, I went for my horrible dreaded   Wonderful annual exam, ladies you know what I'm saying, gents. You will NEVER understand. Anyway the doc was checking my throat and was like hmm I feel a lump. Now when I say lump it was a nice little friend. Not too big but not teeny tiny either. It was on the left side of my neck/throat and I have no idea how long it was hanging out.  She said lets make an appointment with your pcp to get that looked at,. Thus began the last 5 years of life. I went to a primary Doctor that recommended me to an endocrinologist. For those of you who don't know endocrinologists are specially trained physicians who diagnose diseases related to the glands. Now the first word she used was the scariest word I have ever heard. Cancer. She told me if it is cancer it's the easiest to cure they just cut it out and then I'm good to go. At first I was like ok this doctor isn't going to sugar coat anything. She's gonna give it to me straight. So we made the second appointment for a cat scan with contrast, which literally makes you feel like you are peeing your pants. Remember to pee first because you never know.

After the cat scan we made to appointment for the  second word that makes me nervous biopsy. I had 6 little needles stuck into my neck. But the bad boy on the left side of my neck decided to be a bitch and not cooperate. We tried to drain that guy twice. If you're counting that was sticks 4 and 5 stick number six was with an ultrasound to guide the needle into the mass.

Much to the doctors dismay Gretchen as she has been named since then was not filled with fluid, she was filled with mass and would drain. " well it's not hurting anything right now." Okay sure it's not even bothering me so we're good. I go back for the biopsy results which lets be honest if you hVe ever waited for biopsy results it's like the longest time of your life. You're waiting to hear the word benign. It's right up there with the words "happy hour is 2 for 1". Some of the best words you will heard or at least it was for me. But here's the thing. I hate going to Doctor. To be completely honest I only go now because I have a kid and my husband guilts me into it. Damn kid always making out to be a better person ;) .

Anyway, I went for a second opinion, because, I'm not that trusting of people. So the second opinion was amazing! Turns out I knew a ton of people that worked in the office which made me feel so comfortable to begin with. This doctor said lets get labs and an ultrasound to take a look. So that's what we did. She came back with the same answer. If it's not bothering you there's no rush to do anything. Of course if it gets bigger, then we wanna to look at it. Okay, cool.

This lump, goiter, nodule whatever it is has been a little hitchhiker since then. The problem is that now it's growing. After Magoo was born it increased drastically. But the catch is that if you don't know about it, you can't even see it.so Gretchen knows how to be discrete. What a bitch. Let's fast forward 4.5 years because we didn't do anything about Gretchen in the meantime. I went to a pcp in July of 2015. They did an ultrasound and took blood "oh yeah I see fluid and debris" ... Thanks, that's comforting. "But your thyroid is functioning just fine, but I want you to see an  ENT" again for those who don't know an ENT specializes in ears, nose and throat.  So this doctor says and I wish I was kidding "I'll just cut it out, and part of your thyroid and you'll do be fine, won't need any medication or anything" okay so I'm no expert, but I don't think it worlds like that. AND I'm moving 1000 miles away next week. He was totally cool with that. Then reminds me oh yeah but you have to pay 500 first then I'll do it. So thanks, but no thanks I'll wait. Gretchen has been with me since I was 21. We've bonded.

So now here we are, may of 2016 I have a new job with great health insurance and we are starting the process all over again. More labs and ultrasounds and ENT appointments and biopsies. And the word cancer was thrown back out there. So, do we think I have cancer, not so much right now. Is that a possibility ABSOLUTELY. Will we know anything until after the other word I hate, the biopsy, nope we won't. All I do know is that I have a tiny human, who depends on me to make sure that I am 100% at my best. So now we wait for the biopsy, and try not to think of the what if's and we STAY AWAY from Doctor Google. And focus all of my attention on Magoo, you remember him right?

Because it's a scary thing the unknown, but I know that I have an amazing support system regardless of what the biopsy says and regardless of weather I have the nasty c word or just have a hitchhiker forever.

I'm learning to find the positive side of everything. And that everything does happen for a reason. So I'm starting my story here, maybe there are others out there with the same experience. Welcome! Pull up some rug and hang out.

I'm not he best poster, but I'm Workin on that. Let's be patient okay.

I hope that little story will allow you to forgive me for being so rude and ignoring you for what feels like forever!

Until next time...