The funny thing about cysts....

... Is that they can grow back!

You never think about it really. You have a cyst, it gets drained. Boom, done. That's it. But that's not it at all.

No it's going to rear its ugly head again one way or another. In case you couldn't tell I'm talking about Gretchen. She has been putting on some weight as I have explained it. Not too much lately but enough to be noticeable to me again.In the pictures below you can see right after I had it drained on June 3, 2016 and then today August 2, 2016. almost 2 months exactly and its growing back. Um excuse me we did not approve of the refilling. This has gotta go!

I know I know, I should PROBABLY call he ENT and get another ultrasound. And I should probably talk to my husband about getting it removed but here's the thing. The idea of having surgery on my neck. Scares the beejesus out of me.

There I said it. I'm about 90% sure that they are going to need to take some of my thyroid. Cool I get it. But then I will have to take a pill everyday. I'm not that organized. I mean I can do it of course I can. But , uh what if they you know slip. Then I could have jacked up vocal cords. I mean I'm sure Bret wouldn't mind if I couldn't tak for a while, but these are the things I think about. I go to the worst case situation  FIRST and then go down from there.

Anyway since the last post about Gretchen and then the biopsy update I figured I'd give this one too. She is really becoming a pain in the neck... Ah... See what I did there?

Oh Gretchen, its just about time that we cut ties, I mean you have been there for all the big times in my life. But for real girl. Lets get this over with. You have got to go now!

Of course I will document the latest with Gretchen, I mean we all love to hate her!

As always....

I havent peed...

... Without an audience in months! And the reason I tell you that is because I haven't had time alone long enough to finish this blog since before I wrote the last one. I know that sounds crazy. I write this on my phone in the few minutes in the morning before the boys wake up. Or in the bathroom at work. #classy! There is not much at all to catch up on. Mainly because I don't feel as though my day to day is all that
I had a whole get rich quick scheme in mind when I started to do this. I thought I will write a blog. It can't be that hard. Boy was I ever wrong. It's pretty hard to dedicate yourself to something like this. Especially when you don't see a reason for anyone ( even your husband, who you force) to read it. I'm completely honestly not that interesting. But I thought. I know I will start a blog and I'll be sassy, and funny and people will love me. They will forgive my run on sentences, and misspelled words. And I will possibly make some money doing this. Ha jokes on me. Because that only works if you work at it. Nothing comes free. Hot damn does that saying hold so true with this little hobby of mine.

I guess biggest news is..... Drum roll please. The biopsy results came back benign! That's right o just have a hitch hicker in my neck. I don't have cancer which is amazing. I have to go back in a year for another scan and to make sure that it doesn't turn the other cheek and become a jerk. That bein. Said The cyst has started to fill again. Amazing I know. But what does that mean? It means that I eventually need to make another appointment with my ENT to get it looked at and either drained, or removed. Who knows. But again good news is that it's just a hitch hicker.

What else? What else? Have you ever felt like ther is so much you want to say but then nothing comes to mind? That's me , at this very second. This has been sitting and waiting to be posted for probably 4 weeks. And I have opened it and looked at it. The little curser has blinked at me like " hey finish me" but I just haven't felt like there was a way to end this post. So right now I am sitting with my best guy. We are watching the good dinasour. He is eating a cookie , and I am typing away.  It's funny how quickly a toddler will change his mind. Now he is outside splashing in a puddle. Not a worry in the world. And he's having a blast! I want to be like him when I grow up. So happy and full of love.

I will try to be more regular, and hopefully I will find a way to dedicate myself to this better. It's not gonna be what I want it to be without me. So it's time to figure it all out I guess.


Until next time...

Let's talk....

Listen I know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me I promised that I wouldn't fall from the face of the earth. That I said I would stick to a schedule and then I just disappeared.

best snuggles ever

To be fair, you're right. But in my defense.... I was hogtied in the back of some van tired* see picture to the right.... And there's a little human that demands every bit of my attention when I am awake and let's be honest, He deserves all of that and more. And well I have a little story to tell you in order to make it all okay and for you to forget forgive the fact that I completely fell far from the face of the earth. There's a little back story and some suspense. I know what you're thinking. This is going to be so... Boring. And, well you're probably right. HOWEVER it's something I've wanted to do for a long time like years and I'll explain why I haven't and then we can all feel warm and fuzzy again inside?

So, whaddya say? Deal? Deal!

Okay so it all started in 2011, I went for my horrible dreaded   Wonderful annual exam, ladies you know what I'm saying, gents. You will NEVER understand. Anyway the doc was checking my throat and was like hmm I feel a lump. Now when I say lump it was a nice little friend. Not too big but not teeny tiny either. It was on the left side of my neck/throat and I have no idea how long it was hanging out.  She said lets make an appointment with your pcp to get that looked at,. Thus began the last 5 years of life. I went to a primary Doctor that recommended me to an endocrinologist. For those of you who don't know endocrinologists are specially trained physicians who diagnose diseases related to the glands. Now the first word she used was the scariest word I have ever heard. Cancer. She told me if it is cancer it's the easiest to cure they just cut it out and then I'm good to go. At first I was like ok this doctor isn't going to sugar coat anything. She's gonna give it to me straight. So we made the second appointment for a cat scan with contrast, which literally makes you feel like you are peeing your pants. Remember to pee first because you never know.

After the cat scan we made to appointment for the  second word that makes me nervous biopsy. I had 6 little needles stuck into my neck. But the bad boy on the left side of my neck decided to be a bitch and not cooperate. We tried to drain that guy twice. If you're counting that was sticks 4 and 5 stick number six was with an ultrasound to guide the needle into the mass.

Much to the doctors dismay Gretchen as she has been named since then was not filled with fluid, she was filled with mass and would drain. " well it's not hurting anything right now." Okay sure it's not even bothering me so we're good. I go back for the biopsy results which lets be honest if you hVe ever waited for biopsy results it's like the longest time of your life. You're waiting to hear the word benign. It's right up there with the words "happy hour is 2 for 1". Some of the best words you will heard or at least it was for me. But here's the thing. I hate going to Doctor. To be completely honest I only go now because I have a kid and my husband guilts me into it. Damn kid always making out to be a better person ;) .

Anyway, I went for a second opinion, because, I'm not that trusting of people. So the second opinion was amazing! Turns out I knew a ton of people that worked in the office which made me feel so comfortable to begin with. This doctor said lets get labs and an ultrasound to take a look. So that's what we did. She came back with the same answer. If it's not bothering you there's no rush to do anything. Of course if it gets bigger, then we wanna to look at it. Okay, cool.

This lump, goiter, nodule whatever it is has been a little hitchhiker since then. The problem is that now it's growing. After Magoo was born it increased drastically. But the catch is that if you don't know about it, you can't even see it.so Gretchen knows how to be discrete. What a bitch. Let's fast forward 4.5 years because we didn't do anything about Gretchen in the meantime. I went to a pcp in July of 2015. They did an ultrasound and took blood "oh yeah I see fluid and debris" ... Thanks, that's comforting. "But your thyroid is functioning just fine, but I want you to see an  ENT" again for those who don't know an ENT specializes in ears, nose and throat.  So this doctor says and I wish I was kidding "I'll just cut it out, and part of your thyroid and you'll do be fine, won't need any medication or anything" okay so I'm no expert, but I don't think it worlds like that. AND I'm moving 1000 miles away next week. He was totally cool with that. Then reminds me oh yeah but you have to pay 500 first then I'll do it. So thanks, but no thanks I'll wait. Gretchen has been with me since I was 21. We've bonded.

So now here we are, may of 2016 I have a new job with great health insurance and we are starting the process all over again. More labs and ultrasounds and ENT appointments and biopsies. And the word cancer was thrown back out there. So, do we think I have cancer, not so much right now. Is that a possibility ABSOLUTELY. Will we know anything until after the other word I hate, the biopsy, nope we won't. All I do know is that I have a tiny human, who depends on me to make sure that I am 100% at my best. So now we wait for the biopsy, and try not to think of the what if's and we STAY AWAY from Doctor Google. And focus all of my attention on Magoo, you remember him right?

Because it's a scary thing the unknown, but I know that I have an amazing support system regardless of what the biopsy says and regardless of weather I have the nasty c word or just have a hitchhiker forever.

I'm learning to find the positive side of everything. And that everything does happen for a reason. So I'm starting my story here, maybe there are others out there with the same experience. Welcome! Pull up some rug and hang out.

I'm not he best poster, but I'm Workin on that. Let's be patient okay.

I hope that little story will allow you to forgive me for being so rude and ignoring you for what feels like forever!

Until next time...