So here we are again...

 ...it’s been just about a year. Are we surprised? No? me either... see the thing is I’ve wanted to write this blog for the longest time. And I’ve started it a million times and I’ve erased every word. Wanna know why? Because i feel shame with for how I’m feeling. I have an amazing husband and two kids who light up a room and I feel lonely. And even though I’m constantly surrounded by people and 98% of the time someone is physically touching me I feel alone. 

So then I started to try and figure out why that is, and it’s a depressing realization. I have my husband and I have a few friends here in Florida and a handful acquaintances but I don’t have anyone that I can pick up the phone and say “hey let’s go get a coffee”, or “I need a girls night I’m coming over” or “I need to go walk the beach you in”. But the sad realization hit me last night talking to B I don’t have a tribe. And the people that I do have that I know if I called them and said I need to talk and they would listen well they have their own shit going on they don’t need to be burdened with my ramblings. 

We lost my father in law 9 months ago, so I’ve been in caregiver mode. What does that mean for me? Pushing through getting up every day and working and taking care of the kids and trying to keep the stress off B because I’m sure he’s got a lot on his mind. So I take the brunt of what needs done and do it. I feel guilty the few times I go out and if I’m being honest I don’t go out because I don’t want to feel guilty for leaving him to parent the kids. Oh and add the guilt for being a SHITTY housewife and the constant mess that’s around. But no never voicing this to him because how can I feel guilty or down or sad, he lost his dad. That matters more right? I’m not allowed to be anything other than the caregiver right? 

I have a million reason to be the happiest person in the world, and on the surface I bet it looks like that, but I am so lonely and sad 98% of the time, I take it out on the kids then cry because I feel guilty for yelling at them or pushing them off on the tv.And a smile hides a lot. I have my escape of reading. In the last 4.5 months I have read over 100 books, for no other reason than to escape reality for a bit. How can I say those word out loud to someone? How can I say those words without someone wanting to drop me off at a loony bin? 

I guess the worst part is feeling like not one person would bat an eye if I wasn’t around. No, I’m not planning to off myself. This is not a call for help. I feel like if to faded to the background would anyone notice? What is it about me that makes me special to people? Why do I stand out for people to want me around? It can’t be my looks, and my personality sucks. I’m blunt, people don’t like that I say the hard things to your face that most people say behind your back. I feel like I’m very easily replaceable. I’m sure someone with a lot of letters will find something from my childhood to link that too. 

Idk what this means, I guess I just needed to get the words out because I can be a burden to this blog, it’s mine if you read it that’s your choice. It’s not me calling or texting you to listen to my bullshit, but I can tell you I feel like a weight has been lifted, I guess an outlet is good. Who knows.

Am I rambling? I think I’m rambling. 

Life has been...

... a little rough lately, if I’m being honest. I’m sure you don’t remember that a few months back I   was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety. Well let’s just say the holidays and all the fun (and family crap)  that comes along with it was extremely overwhelming. I thought i was handling it all ok until I took Chipmunk for her 6months update and they gave me the postpartum screening. I don’t remember my answers but the pediatrician checked in with me told me my numbers were higher this time for postpartum depression and anxiety and wanted to make sure I was ok. You guys, my hands started to shake, my heart started to race it was bananas. I have no problem talking about my anxiety when I start the conversation, but when someone else does. That’s a completely different story.

Now to say it’s been crazy is an understatement, we have had never ending colds, and sicknesses. I was in the Er with what we thought was a TIA or a mini stroke. Don’tworry your girls ok. The holidays happened and drama along with it as stated above. That can be wrapped up with I was raised by my mother who taught me if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything st all. And I’ve been EXTREMELY silent. It’s scary. Then we hit a pothole the size of a small dog which dented the passenger side tires, we needed a tow, while waiting for said tow the battery died.i ran to get bret from the gym with the kids and came home to our front door open, the police determined it was the wind because I took the lessser of two evils and just closed the door, don’t worry we make sure it’s locked st all times now.

 It’s been a little too much, that I started to lose who I was I started to get depressed. How can I tell? Well for one I broke down the other night and told Bret that I can’t anymore, that if I didn’t HAVE to get up every day I wouldn’t. That I eat only because I’m nursing but I have no real desire to, and that not to be gross but it had been a solid 2 weeks since I had showered (at the time). It’s a strange place to be when you have never been there before. I ugly cried and my husband said to me, “it’s okay for you to talk to someone. Everyone needs it sometimes” you guys he told me it was OKAY to not be okay. I’ve said it before and I said it as often as I can.  It I hear it from an outside source. Do you have ANY idea how much that helped me? He then went and ran the shower and lovingly pushed me in the bathroom and held the door closed because... well sanitary issues and all.

So this week I turned the big 29, and I unleaded all of the latest on my best friend, my sister, my person. It took me so long to say anything to her because she has her own life and her own things going on. She doesn’t need my mess but she  told me ”you take a gut punch like a champ” then proceeded to tell me to get my shit together. But was WAY nicer than that. This girl gets me in a way that my husband never will understand and he is ok with it. She is the person that knows when I hesitate to answer a text excerpt the thoughts going through my head. She just knows. Even when I don’t say anything exactly what I need. And if you have a person like this in your life don’t ever let them go. They are the most precious people you will ever have. And I miss her dearly every single day.

So where was I going with this? Well I wanted to give you an update. Life is wild, and I’m trying my hardest to navigate it. I want to grow this blog to be more I was to do product reviews and I want to be a place where other moms can come and say that’s me! I am in that same boat. I want this to be a safe place. So let’s try that for a bit, shall we? I am hoping to get a few products to here to try out with the kids and around the house to review (all on my own because... gotta start somewhere) and we will go from there. Until I can I will keep you updated on how I’m doing and check in below leave me a comment, follow me on Instagram @chrissy_g1024 and let’s be friends!

Until next time!

I didn’t forget about you....

... but I gave run into some serious hiccups when it comes to getting ANY blogging done. So let’s start with the MOST important one, shall we?

We have 3 laptops in our house. ZERO of them are in working condition. Let me elaborate. My toshiba that I have had for 6years doesn’t hold a battery charge. And the charging cord doesn’t stay in when I plug it in. The keyboard works when it wants to. Legitimately doesn’t work all the time some letters work, some don’t. So it was doing it’s thing updating and we all know windows products are like “do not turn off while updating”  and I try my damndest not too because there are too many precious pictures on there to lose. Of course as fate would have it, the damn computer was updating and the table got bumped out comes the cord, remember it doesn’t stay in when plugged in, nor does it hold a charge. 2 guesses what happened.... yep it turned off. I have not been able to back it up to the last save SINCE THAT HAPPENED! My wedding pictures, my Magoo pictures from when he was a teeny tiny baby... gone. I can not get them! I have tried everything I can think of. Send me your tips and tricks for that because I just want my pictures back. I don’t care about the documents. I just want the pics.

So laptop #2 is a OLD HP like over windows 7 or windows XP years old... it has NO Internet connection, also battery doesn’t hold a charge. But with an external WiFi connector modem thing it gets WiFi AND the keyboard works. So guys. Ca you guess what happened to that one. Remember windows likes to take a million years to update, also holds no charge and “do not turn off while updating” ,  I’ll give you one guess. Yep it got unplugged or something while updating and now it won’t turn on. The limited pictures on there are now gone.

Laptop #3 is Brets, doesn’t hold a charge. Do we sense a pattern here? But works, it’s brets he claims it doesn’t. It’s not worth the argument of me trying to see if it does clearly I have terrible luck with laptops. So I’m not even gonna look at it. Plus I don’t think he knows where it is.

So here you have it. I have not forgotten about you. I have 2 month updates to get out to you, I have Christmas recipes. I have a  photo shoot post to make. But I have to do it all on my phone. Which let’s be honest. Not the best but it’s all I have.

Please bear with me. I’m trying!

Until next time,

Mommy Monday...

.... Makeup edition....or relearning how to wear makeup again edition.

However you want to look at it I havent been consistant with wearing makeup for at least 4 years. I used to HAVE to wear it.

Now I dont have to. But I want too. Here lies the problem. I swear anything I knew about makeup has been replaced with nursery rhymes and kids songs.

So now I find myself trying to figure out how to wear makeup that doesn't feel like im wearing makeup AND something that I can do in the car in 10 minutes before i take Chipmunk in.

So last night at 1030 pm I found myself watching youtube tutorials trying to figure out how to wear makeup without "looking like" i am. I guess thats the natural look... Here is what im finding eyebrows are inportant. Who knew? Oh and also NOT putting eyeliner in your water line makes you look more awake and open.

So then I tried makeup. I used highlighters and concealer and foundation. It was not a good look for me. After I wiped it off Bret looked at me and said "oh theres my wife. That was too much. You looked fake" So then i decided to go back to basics and use what i know. I got out my Bare Minerals. Girl... swirl, tap, and buff that stuff right on there. SPF built right into it and it LITERALLY takes 5 mins to do.

www.bareminerals.com

I am not getting paid to tell you any of this(ALTHOUGH...I am open to that.. Bare minerals help a sister out 😉)

I packed my makeup bag(😂 listen to me) and put it in my work bag. To get ready for this morning. Did our normal mad dash around the house before dropping Bret off. Then we headed to chipmunks school. I got out my makeup. Swirl, tap, buff... And eyebrows and boom we were done. I thought I looked like this.

But this is what we actually looked like.

I felt self conscious all day. The beautiful thing about Bare Minerals is that you dont even feel like you're wearing makeup. By the end of the day i felt a little more confident. You know what. I think I'll do it again tomorrow!

If youre like me and want something easy, and light with an SPF look into Bare Minerals. If you arent sure if your shade go get color matched. It is so worth it! Also if you have any tips on easy makeup looks let me know. Im always open to learning new things... Next we tackle the rats nest to make it look presentable, and ditch the ponytail/mombun.

Until next time....

Chipmunk is 3 months....

...Wait... How did 3 months go by SO FAST?!

There is a good portion of me that wants to cry at the fact that my squishy little baby is not a squishy little baby anymore, I cant do it. She growing into herself and her little personality is coming out more and more. I absolutely ADORE IT!

 I looked at her the other night and the teeny tiny little baby chipmunk, and that newborn look in her face is gone. She an infant now...

Lets be honest here. Between her and her brother she is a SLEEPING champ! Magoo was up ALL THE TIME. Chipmunk wakes up MAYBE twice a night. Eats like a champ, and is back to sleep. None of this being awake for hours on end. My girl likes her sleep.

Now watch, I said that she is a sleeping champ. She will be up the next week in the middle of the night. Just to prove to me that after 2 kids, I shouldn't praise their sleep.

I wish I had these for the first 2 months, (And Magoos first year.. lets not talk about it). But here's what I want to remember about Chipmunks 3rd Month...

Weight: 12 1/2 pounds (as of 9/4/18)

Length: 22 3/4 inches (as of 8/30/18)

Hair: starting to thicken up in the front. Its starting to get longer in the back. She loves to paly with it when she's eating.

Eyes: Are so blue! And keep getting lighter, we are hoping she keeps the blue.  Her eyelashes are long as ever and are so precious!

Clothes: It depends on the piece of clothing, some Newborn stuff fits her, some 3 months and some 6 months. I have to accommodate for that fluff butt. But other than that she's anywhere between NB to 3-6 months.

Diapers: Cloth diapers here. Smallest rise snap, and there's 1 snap in the waist fit that's open.

Sleeping: We are sleeping 4 hour stretches! I am so stinking excited about that! We were waking up every 2 hours to eat. I tried swaddles, she doesn't like them, wants her arms free. I get it. So we use sleep sacks, and just a blanket sometimes (gasp!) She will suck on her hand or binky until she's out then she doesn't want the binky anymore, and I am OK with that!

Likes: mornings, baths, her hands, being sang to, and her brother. This kid simply adores her older brother. The face splitting smile that comes across her face when she sees him. It melts my heart!

Dislikes: tummy time for more than 2.5 seconds; we are working on that, getting her nose cleaned out, and when she is nursing and then moves her face and puts her hand immediately in her mouth and cant get anymore milk.

Eating: Chupmunk eats every 3 hours or so, we just upped her bottles at school to 4 oz and it seems to be holding her over a little longer. When I am home I try to keep her on her same schedule which is roughly every 3 hours. I pump twice a day at work, but get close to 20 OZ those 2 pumps and nurse on demand at home. I have been using Pump Princess form Legendairy Milk Its been a godsend. If you nurse or pump check them out!

Milestones: She is doing so well holding her little head up, it gets better every day. She started cooing and jabbering at us this month, its been so fun to "talk" to her in the mornings.  She also really focuses in on you and will follow you across the room with her eyes. It's so neat to see all these little changes in her over the last month!

Momma's favorites: Her sweet, sweet smiles and squeeks first thing in the morning. When I hear her wake up, I'll look down in her bassinet and sometimes shes smiling, others she farting. But shes happy. Oh, oh, oh and when she sees her brother and smiles at him like he is the most inportant person in her world...

Baby items we can't live without: her unicorn wubanub, bouncer seat, rain rain app for nature sounds.

 

Baby makes Four....

... So, I decided that I wanted my first official trying to get back into this whole blog business to be about Miss A, or Chipmunk as she is know around our house. This is a LONG POST. You have been warned!!

It all started in November, well actually October we celebrated our anniversary 😉, Fast forward I wasn't sure if I was pregnant or not... So I took a test (SEE BELOW) . As you can see it was not positive or at least I didn't and don't see it positive. So I decided at that point we needed a backup birth control because clearly the one we were using just wasn't cutting it. I made an OBGYN appointment and they told me I couldn't get birth control because I was pregnant. So of course I called my Best Friend first CLEARLY that's what you do. She talked me down because I was FREAKING OUT.

I still don't see it!

Lets be honest here, I LOVED the idea of having more kids. I loved that Magoo might be a big brother ONE DAY. That day was not supposed to happen so soon. I needed more time with it just being the 3 of us. I needed to hold onto my first baby for as long as I could. God had a different plan for us. So I went to work and told my boss, that was nerve wracking. I decided I wanted to tell Bret in a "fun" way because with Magoo he was there for the test taking. And I wanted to actually read What to Expect when You're Expecting this time around. So when we got home I found the book in Magoo's book shelf, and told him to take it to daddy. Brets reaction was shock I think, could also be because magoo dropped it on his lap in the bathroom? Who knows, But then we went to the dollar store and I took about 2 or 3 more tests JUST to be sure.

And after that it was a textbook pregnancy, literally no issues. I did have to have ultra sounds every month because of my BMI. Which really meant once a month I got to see Baby girl which was so comforting. At 32 weeks I had to have Non- Stress Tests (NST) to make sure that she was alright in there. She had us sent to Triage 3 times. Third time was the charm and she was born. Did you need all that back story to hear her birth srory? Yes, yes you did.

It started on June 23, 2018 we went to a birthday party for my boss at a park. It was warm out but not hot, I kept hydrated. Magoo played with the other kids it was a good time. Both Bret and I started to get headaches so we cut out a little early and headed home as we had an hour drive. I went to get my hair cut, just like I did before Magoo was born. Fast forward to Sunday, Magoo and I went to my moms house for my brothers 13th Birthday, I still had the headache but it was so mild I was not concerned I again was very well hydrated and stayed off my feet as much as possible. That night I had THE WORST migraine ever. I mean I was dreaming about how terrible the headache was. When I woke up on June 25, 2018 I knew it was going to be a long day.

I tried everything I could think of to get rid of the headache, except taking medicine for it. I NEVER take medicine and I was not about to start while pregnant. I had an OB appointment that afternoon so I called to see if they wanted me to come in earlier. Of course I had to leave a message, the nurse called back. I missed it. By that time I was already leaving for the appointment so I just figured I would tell them when I got there. When the nurse took me back I told her right away, I've had a headache all day and its not going away or getting better. My Blood pressure was a little high. My OB came in, I told her what was going on and she told me " you earned yourself a trip to triage, lets sign the consent forms incase we decide to deliver you". I happily signed the forms.

I left the office called my work told them I wasn't coming back and was probably having a baby, then I called my mom asked her to pick up magoo from school, and then I called Bret 213554 times. He FINALLY answered I told him "listen I have to go to triage, I want you to come because I think we are having a baby today". I drove home got him then headed to triage. You know when you just know, that something is going to happen. Like somehow you just know it. I knew that we were having our baby that day. When we got into triage and the OB on call walked in and I just knew it meant we were having a baby! We were initially told that it would be around 9 because of the last time I ate and the anesthesiologist wanted me to wait. But then they said between 6 or 7 would be safe for our C-Section.

We walked back a little bit before 8 pm. They took me in and the team that I had was AMAZING! As soon as I walked into the OR my legs got shaky. This time was COMPLETELY different from when Magoo was born. I was awake and didn't go through hours of pushing to end up there. I just worked all day. They explained everything that was going to happen. It calmed me down so much! They numbed me, got me all ready to go. Bret came in, they started the surgery and at 8:04 PM our daughter was born. Let me tell you, sitting here right now I am hit with all the emotions that I had at that exact moment. She was 6 lbs 12 oz and 21in long. And she is pure perfection!

Big Brother, Mimi, Aunt Laci and Uncle Ryan came to meet Miss A the next morning. When they walked in Magoo said to me " Mommy why is my baby not in your belly?" He was scared of her at first because she was SO SMALL. Now they simply adore each other. Here we are 5 days short of Magoos 4th Birthday and Chipmunks 3 month milestone, I cant believe its already been 3 months. Now we are a family of 4. I would not want it any other way!

If you made it this far, thank you. I have so many things I want to talk to you about. But that will have to wait for next time. I PROMISE they wont all be a small novel.

Until Next time...

WOW I am really bad at this

Listen, I get it. Ive never be a "dear diary" girl because life happens and then I forget to write about life.

Its been just shy of 2 years since I was all " Im going to get fit" spoiler alert, it didn't happen.

Heres a QUICK recap of the last year and a half, READY? GO...


Magoo learned to use the potty!!!

We went to Florida for a wedding, It was beautiful!

Magoo played soccer...



We moved into our own place

Then this happened....

We went back to Florida for Another wedding ,and this was by far my favorite Wedding ever!



Which brought us to June and we welcomed Our Little Chipmunk...

AAWWWWW Isnt she so cute?!

Yes I think she is...

So as you can see its not that I didn't want to write in this little blog of mine. Its that I have been INSANELY busy. But you know what. I am learning so many new things being a mom of 2. Its wild how different it all is.

We are in a new world here with Miss A. We are cloth diapering, which will be a while new post in itself. But I want to get back to this. I love doing it and its a good way for me to keep some memories alive and to meet new moms, or dads, or people who like to read blogs that are updated once every year and a half... heh...

I hope ya stick around because I have some ideas in mind for this bad boy.