I didn’t forget about you....

... but I gave run into some serious hiccups when it comes to getting ANY blogging done. So let’s start with the MOST important one, shall we?

We have 3 laptops in our house. ZERO of them are in working condition. Let me elaborate. My toshiba that I have had for 6years doesn’t hold a battery charge. And the charging cord doesn’t stay in when I plug it in. The keyboard works when it wants to. Legitimately doesn’t work all the time some letters work, some don’t. So it was doing it’s thing updating and we all know windows products are like “do not turn off while updating”  and I try my damndest not too because there are too many precious pictures on there to lose. Of course as fate would have it, the damn computer was updating and the table got bumped out comes the cord, remember it doesn’t stay in when plugged in, nor does it hold a charge. 2 guesses what happened.... yep it turned off. I have not been able to back it up to the last save SINCE THAT HAPPENED! My wedding pictures, my Magoo pictures from when he was a teeny tiny baby... gone. I can not get them! I have tried everything I can think of. Send me your tips and tricks for that because I just want my pictures back. I don’t care about the documents. I just want the pics.

So laptop #2 is a OLD HP like over windows 7 or windows XP years old... it has NO Internet connection, also battery doesn’t hold a charge. But with an external WiFi connector modem thing it gets WiFi AND the keyboard works. So guys. Ca you guess what happened to that one. Remember windows likes to take a million years to update, also holds no charge and “do not turn off while updating” ,  I’ll give you one guess. Yep it got unplugged or something while updating and now it won’t turn on. The limited pictures on there are now gone.

Laptop #3 is Brets, doesn’t hold a charge. Do we sense a pattern here? But works, it’s brets he claims it doesn’t. It’s not worth the argument of me trying to see if it does clearly I have terrible luck with laptops. So I’m not even gonna look at it. Plus I don’t think he knows where it is.

So here you have it. I have not forgotten about you. I have 2 month updates to get out to you, I have Christmas recipes. I have a  photo shoot post to make. But I have to do it all on my phone. Which let’s be honest. Not the best but it’s all I have.

Please bear with me. I’m trying!

Until next time,

Mommy Monday...

.... Makeup edition....or relearning how to wear makeup again edition.

However you want to look at it I havent been consistant with wearing makeup for at least 4 years. I used to HAVE to wear it.

Now I dont have to. But I want too. Here lies the problem. I swear anything I knew about makeup has been replaced with nursery rhymes and kids songs.

So now I find myself trying to figure out how to wear makeup that doesn't feel like im wearing makeup AND something that I can do in the car in 10 minutes before i take Chipmunk in.

So last night at 1030 pm I found myself watching youtube tutorials trying to figure out how to wear makeup without "looking like" i am. I guess thats the natural look... Here is what im finding eyebrows are inportant. Who knew? Oh and also NOT putting eyeliner in your water line makes you look more awake and open.

So then I tried makeup. I used highlighters and concealer and foundation. It was not a good look for me. After I wiped it off Bret looked at me and said "oh theres my wife. That was too much. You looked fake" So then i decided to go back to basics and use what i know. I got out my Bare Minerals. Girl... swirl, tap, and buff that stuff right on there. SPF built right into it and it LITERALLY takes 5 mins to do.

www.bareminerals.com

I am not getting paid to tell you any of this(ALTHOUGH...I am open to that.. Bare minerals help a sister out 😉)

I packed my makeup bag(😂 listen to me) and put it in my work bag. To get ready for this morning. Did our normal mad dash around the house before dropping Bret off. Then we headed to chipmunks school. I got out my makeup. Swirl, tap, buff... And eyebrows and boom we were done. I thought I looked like this.

But this is what we actually looked like.

I felt self conscious all day. The beautiful thing about Bare Minerals is that you dont even feel like you're wearing makeup. By the end of the day i felt a little more confident. You know what. I think I'll do it again tomorrow!

If youre like me and want something easy, and light with an SPF look into Bare Minerals. If you arent sure if your shade go get color matched. It is so worth it! Also if you have any tips on easy makeup looks let me know. Im always open to learning new things... Next we tackle the rats nest to make it look presentable, and ditch the ponytail/mombun.

Until next time....

Living with Postpartum...

...Anxiety. The lesser talked about but more common than you would think postpartum syndrome. About 6% of pregnant women and 10% of postpartum women develop anxiety. You guys i'm going to be completely honest here, just sitting here writing out that first two sentences, my hands are shaking and my arms feel weak. My heart is racing and I don't want to keep going. But I need to be honest with this thing, this is going to be long, but I am going to try my best to keep it all contained and get through it as best as I can with the details I feel are most important. There might be other moms out there who are living with it and don't know it. Or they do know it and want to find other moms who they can relate to.
*Now I do want to let this be known, I did not self diagnose, I waited until I saw my OB and we discussed a treatment plan  before I decided to make this post. I do not want anyone to read this and think that I am offering medical advise, I am not. This is simply for you to see my experiences so far, and if it is something you are also feeling and just couldn't put into words I want this to serve as your opening to seek medical treatment.

I don't typically have anxiety, I have never been an anxious person. crowds never bothered me, going places doing things I was good. With Magoo I didn't have any type of anxiety, I was good the whole time. After he was born I wasn't worried about Postpartum depression, or the baby blues. I didn't even know what the baby blues were. I knew of Postpartum Depression, but I didn't know anyone who suffered from experienced it. I refuse to use the word "suffered" because we aren't suffering we are living with and experiencing it. So anyway back to what I was saying. With him it was pretty textbook, it was an exciting time and I had no worries before, during or after his pregnancy. Even when nursing and pumping were starting to become a struggle. It was all good. So I had nothing to base this time around on.

When I found out I was pregnant, I cried. Heart breaking tears of sadness for the ending of my season of being a mom of 1. I didn't want Magoo to feel "shafted". I was EXREMELY grateful to be pregnant and to be bringing another little life into our family. But I wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready to share my time with Magoo, and I did not know how to double the love that I have for him to a second person. I didn't think it was possible. It took I want to say 6 months before I could talk about it without crying. That is when my excitement took over. I couldn't wait to see Magoo with his sister. But the first 6 months I was so scared that I would develop Postpartum Depression. I was hyper aware of my feelings. Once Chipmunk was born and she met her brother I was ready to go home and be with my babies. I was on cloud 9. Lets see, she was born on a Monday. I went home on Thursday so Wednesday was my first emotional day. I remember sitting in my hospital bed, Chipmunk was in her bassinet thing, and I was trying not to cry. Bret and I were talking and I told him "I miss Magoo and I want to go home" and I cried, again that heart breaking cry, I couldn't talk about it because I would just cry every time I thought of it. I just wanted to be home with my babies. Before we were discharged the nurse went over things to watch for. The "warning signs". I didn't give them a second listen I didn't have it with him so ill be fine.

We came home Thursday, Friday we had a weight check. Saturday I sent Bret out with his friends to go golfing (it was prearranged and I was not letting him cancel) My mom came down to help me with the kids. This is where I think the signs started to show. I have a big family. Collectively 40  aunts and uncles, and over 40 first cousins. Being around people is nothing new to me. We had family come down to see the baby, which is no big deal, I wanted them to meet her. But what I wasn't expecting was to be so completely overwhelmed just sitting on the couch. That's all I was doing. was sitting but I had the feeling that I needed to get away. So mom sent me up to "rest" and as soon as I got into my room I sat on the bed and cried. Why was I feeling so overwhelmed? Its not like I wasn't used to being around people. Then I cried harder because I felt bad that I was so overwhelmed. Bret and Mom assured me that it was just because I had just had a baby and it was a lot going on.

I had a blood pressure check that next week, I went up to get a shower. I stood in the shower for 20 minutes with my face under the water crying, I don't know why I was crying. All I can say is I was sad. No particular reason I was just sad and I was bawling my eyes out in the shower. From there it turned into not wanting to go places with the kids. Places that I have always gone to and feel safe at because something might happen to them and I didn't want that to happen. The idea of leaving the house with the kids would make my heart feel like a rush of blood coming from it, it would leave me breathless and exhausted when it was done. I now know that they are panic attacks. But I never said anything to anyone. I would keep it all in and try to ignore it.

The straw that broke the camels back so to speak was a few weeks ago, Labor Day weekend and the following week. Magoo fell down the stairs, I stumbled down the stairs, I was in a boot, we got into a fender bender, then  He tripped when we were playing and knocked his head on the floor. That was it. every time I closed my eyes I could see him falling, then it was chipmunk hitting her head on the floor. We have carpet. everywhere. But it doesn't stop me from worrying that it will happen. Or when Magoo tosses a toy or his shoes down the steps I think its him. Even last night, I was putting Chipmunk on the floor to change her and started to get nervous, it makes me move so slowly with her.


Now I had trouble explaining how I was feeling, because everything I looked up pointed to Postpartum Depression. But that's not how I am feeling, I'm not sad. I don't want to hurt myself or anyone else. I'm worried about the "what ifs". It took me 2 weeks to tell Bret that something was off. I couldn't explain it better than I'm afraid that something is going to hurt the kids. Not me, not a person but something. Then I talked to my mom. and told her the same thing. I made a doctors appointment with my OB. We talked about what was going on and she assured me that it is so common for people to have Postpartum Anxiety. And there are steps to help me cope with it. There is going to talk to someone who will help basically redirect my though process so that I don't have the "scary" thoughts, and there is medication. I chose the first route. I don't want to take medication yet. I want to try other avenues first.

Mental health is nothing to ignore. If you think you are having any symptoms talk to someone. That is the one thing I have been doing the most, talking about how  I'm feeling. I don't want it to get the best of me, and I don't want it to steal this time away from my kids. So now we are on this journey together. I will keep updating on how things are going. This is a WHOLE new world for me, and talking about it makes me shaky but I want to let it be known that its OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY. and its Okay to talk about!

Please if you need someone to talk to reach out, I'll be that person for you.

But what about the Poop...

.... is the biggest question I get when we tell people that we cloth diaper. That and "Oh no that will never last, you'll buy regular diapers soon". Oh, oh, and "I could never touch poop it would make me gag."

Lets be real, when you think of cloth diapers you think of the pins, and diaper services, and 1952. Cloth diapers have come such a far way from then. When Magoo was born I toyed with the idea of doing cloth diapers. But in the end we did what was "easier". I kick myself every day when I think of the money that we literally threw away, covered in poo. Instead of it being washed and reused. To be fair and honest we didn't have an apartment with laundry in the unit until I was 8.5 months pregnant with Magoo, and had already purchased "sposies" at that time. And we didn't know ANYTHING about it. My brother in law was doing cloth for his daughter at the time but we were young and didn't now any better. We do now, and would never go back.


Why did we decide to cloth Chipmunk? Well that's really easy to explain, we were trying to find any way we could save money with having 2 kids that we would be putting in daycare. Between life bills and daycare, adding an additional $200 or more a moth in diapers was not in the cards. We needed to find a way to make it all work, and that's when I really started doing my research into cloth diapers. Also they are so fa-reaking adorable!

Is it hard to Cloth diaper?
    Nope! Its just doing another load of laundry. Now of course there can be hiccups when it comes to washing your cloth diapers. For instance you need to check if you have hard water, and you need to have a good washing routine. Without a good wash routine  you will not love cloth diapers. They will stink, or they wont hold in the pee and poo anymore. You can strip your diapers, they tell you not to do it too often because it will bread down the diapers. We bought some pre-loved diapers. I did a bleach soak on them in cold water, then in HOT water I rinsed them off. Threw them in the washer on HOT and did a wash. They are basically brand new. If you really think about it, its not hard. Its just another load or two of laundry a week. I don't know about you, but Id rather pay slightly more for electricity. Instead of paying an extra 200.00 or more a month for something you're only going to throw away. I'm going to be completely honest here. We were gifted disposable diapers, and we used disposable diapers in the hospital. I was SCARED to switch from what I knew and was used to, to trying something new that no one else in my circle of family or friends used. But we weren't buying disposable diapers so I had to suck it up and use the diapers we had.
But really, what about the poop? So I breastfeed Chipmunk, because well again the price was right.(I am going to do another post all about our nursing journey soon, so stay tuned.) And EBF (Exclusively Breast Fed) poop is completely water soluble. Which means I just throw it in the washer, do a pre wash with half a cap of  laundry detergent, then a full wash with 1.5 caps of detergent in HOT water. and its all gone. We have no stinks at all. We do have one or two diapers that stain, but let me tell you the BEST stain lifer we have ever used and it was completely free.... the Sun. Yep we just pulled a diaper out of the washer and then laid it out in the sun and BOOM all the stains were gone. it was amazeballs! Once she is on solids we will plop the poop in the toilet and flush it away just like  everyone else does with their poop.

Why buy the fancy ones if you're going to cover them? Well, what do your underwear look like? Its pretty much the same thing. Only her cloth diapers can double as pants. once she is bigger ill throw on some baby legs (if you know where I can get any, leave me a comment) and a t shirt and she will be good to go. Right now if she's not in jammies or a onesie she's just in a diaper. Let me tell you, I read about the clot diaper addiction, and was like yeah... ok.... sure you are addicted to buying them. IT HAPPENS. I am currently on the hunt for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. She needs to have holiday diapers. I also am looking to get away from using pockets as much and want to use some AIO's (all in ones). There are different types and fabrics to use, and inserts, and then there are flats and covers. There is so much to talk about when it comes to Cloth diapers. I never would have imagined in a million years that I would be blogging about cloth dipers, but here I am. I plan to do another post on the different types that we have used and which ones are my favorites and why, so stay tuned for that as well!

Okay I think I have bored you all to death gone on long enough about why we use cloth diapers and what we do with the poop. If you are thinking about doing cloth diapers for your kids DO IT, you wont regret it. Even if your family turns their noses up to it and they tell you " you'll never be able to do it, you'll be using regular diapers within a week" keep with it just to show them they are wrong.

If you are interested in having Chipmunk as a brand rep for your diapers leave me a comment!

Chipmunk is 3 months....

...Wait... How did 3 months go by SO FAST?!

There is a good portion of me that wants to cry at the fact that my squishy little baby is not a squishy little baby anymore, I cant do it. She growing into herself and her little personality is coming out more and more. I absolutely ADORE IT!

 I looked at her the other night and the teeny tiny little baby chipmunk, and that newborn look in her face is gone. She an infant now...

Lets be honest here. Between her and her brother she is a SLEEPING champ! Magoo was up ALL THE TIME. Chipmunk wakes up MAYBE twice a night. Eats like a champ, and is back to sleep. None of this being awake for hours on end. My girl likes her sleep.

Now watch, I said that she is a sleeping champ. She will be up the next week in the middle of the night. Just to prove to me that after 2 kids, I shouldn't praise their sleep.

I wish I had these for the first 2 months, (And Magoos first year.. lets not talk about it). But here's what I want to remember about Chipmunks 3rd Month...

Weight: 12 1/2 pounds (as of 9/4/18)

Length: 22 3/4 inches (as of 8/30/18)

Hair: starting to thicken up in the front. Its starting to get longer in the back. She loves to paly with it when she's eating.

Eyes: Are so blue! And keep getting lighter, we are hoping she keeps the blue.  Her eyelashes are long as ever and are so precious!

Clothes: It depends on the piece of clothing, some Newborn stuff fits her, some 3 months and some 6 months. I have to accommodate for that fluff butt. But other than that she's anywhere between NB to 3-6 months.

Diapers: Cloth diapers here. Smallest rise snap, and there's 1 snap in the waist fit that's open.

Sleeping: We are sleeping 4 hour stretches! I am so stinking excited about that! We were waking up every 2 hours to eat. I tried swaddles, she doesn't like them, wants her arms free. I get it. So we use sleep sacks, and just a blanket sometimes (gasp!) She will suck on her hand or binky until she's out then she doesn't want the binky anymore, and I am OK with that!

Likes: mornings, baths, her hands, being sang to, and her brother. This kid simply adores her older brother. The face splitting smile that comes across her face when she sees him. It melts my heart!

Dislikes: tummy time for more than 2.5 seconds; we are working on that, getting her nose cleaned out, and when she is nursing and then moves her face and puts her hand immediately in her mouth and cant get anymore milk.

Eating: Chupmunk eats every 3 hours or so, we just upped her bottles at school to 4 oz and it seems to be holding her over a little longer. When I am home I try to keep her on her same schedule which is roughly every 3 hours. I pump twice a day at work, but get close to 20 OZ those 2 pumps and nurse on demand at home. I have been using Pump Princess form Legendairy Milk Its been a godsend. If you nurse or pump check them out!

Milestones: She is doing so well holding her little head up, it gets better every day. She started cooing and jabbering at us this month, its been so fun to "talk" to her in the mornings.  She also really focuses in on you and will follow you across the room with her eyes. It's so neat to see all these little changes in her over the last month!

Momma's favorites: Her sweet, sweet smiles and squeeks first thing in the morning. When I hear her wake up, I'll look down in her bassinet and sometimes shes smiling, others she farting. But shes happy. Oh, oh, oh and when she sees her brother and smiles at him like he is the most inportant person in her world...

Baby items we can't live without: her unicorn wubanub, bouncer seat, rain rain app for nature sounds.

 

Magoo is Four....

.... I knew that the time would go fast. I just didn't realize it would go SO fast.

They always tell you don't blink because next thing you know they will be in school, then graduating, then married. Stop! I cant even get that far ahead it makes me cry like a baby to think of my Magoo growing up.

Its been 4 years but I remember everything about that day (that I can remember) like it just happened. The devastating part is I have vague memories of his actual birth. It absolutely breaks my heart. But I remember hearing that little cry for the first time. It brings tears to my eyes every time I think of it. So sweet and he has not changed at all. He is such a little love, he loves to help out with EVERYTHING and is getting so independent. He wants to do it all, loves to help his daddy on the grill, help me do the dished and loves to sing and dance for his sister.

Last night I tucked in a 3 year old, before we went to bed at 130am Bret and I stood in his room looking at him. He was 4, that quickly our little toddler became a big boy. We tucked him in kissed his head and then went to sleep. This morning Chipmunk and I sang "Happy Birthday" to wake him up.  We sang it on the way to school, and everyone who knows him told him happy birthday today. This kid touches lives every day, so today we celebrate wonderful, wonderful Magoo.

We are honored to be your parents, and sister. We want to wish you the very happiest 4th birthday Magoober! Tonight we will read "On the Night You Were Born" and tuck you in and reminisce on that miraculous night 4 years ago when you changed my world.

I love you very much!

Love,

Mommy

Game Changer...

... I recently started branching out on my Instagram and following companies and boutiques that are geared towards kids because that's what my ENTIRE day revolves around, My kids.

So as I was mass following all the bow botiques and trying to find ones that had stuff for Magoo and Chipmunk I came across the brand Caboosee (www.caboosee.com). If you haven't heard of them you NEED to look them up. We message back and forth and I HAD to try the 24/7 suit. Here is why... It stops the sniff detection AND the stick you finder in the diaper and pray to god you don't come out with a poop filled nail.

I mean do you see why I was excited to try it.

Here's the next thing that I LOVED about it once I got it, it was one of the softest things I have held in a long time. you can never been to sure when ordering online how something will feel. I just kept rubbing it on my face saying how soft it was. No im not kidding, yes I am aware how it looked. So here I have size 3-6 months. I ordered it a little bigger because we have a fluff butt. So I accommodate for our cloth diapers.  Let me tell you, these fit over Cloth diapers so well. I LOVE IT! have I said that enough?

I even challenged Bret to see how easy it was to check her diaper. Was he happy I took photographic evidence? Nope, did I do it anyway? Yep I sure did...

And here it is on Chipmunk, She was asleep and not happy that I was moving her around. She was fussy that night and when I put this outfit on her she settled down and fell asleep. It had to be that comfortable for her.

 

There are is 1 other style in 2 colors. They are long pants with fold over feet to make Jammies. I mean come on have you heard of anything more brilliant?! I cant wait to order them too. I said to Bret "cards on the table, we are ordering the long pants too" I can not say enough good things about them. Even the shipping time was EXTREAMLY reasonable it took 4 days for us to get the onesie. Trust me when I tell you its worth checking out!

 

Check them out www.caboosee.com and use code 247 at check out to get 2 24/7 Suits for $40.00 and tell them Addie Sent you!

 

Baby makes Four....

... So, I decided that I wanted my first official trying to get back into this whole blog business to be about Miss A, or Chipmunk as she is know around our house. This is a LONG POST. You have been warned!!

It all started in November, well actually October we celebrated our anniversary 😉, Fast forward I wasn't sure if I was pregnant or not... So I took a test (SEE BELOW) . As you can see it was not positive or at least I didn't and don't see it positive. So I decided at that point we needed a backup birth control because clearly the one we were using just wasn't cutting it. I made an OBGYN appointment and they told me I couldn't get birth control because I was pregnant. So of course I called my Best Friend first CLEARLY that's what you do. She talked me down because I was FREAKING OUT.

I still don't see it!

Lets be honest here, I LOVED the idea of having more kids. I loved that Magoo might be a big brother ONE DAY. That day was not supposed to happen so soon. I needed more time with it just being the 3 of us. I needed to hold onto my first baby for as long as I could. God had a different plan for us. So I went to work and told my boss, that was nerve wracking. I decided I wanted to tell Bret in a "fun" way because with Magoo he was there for the test taking. And I wanted to actually read What to Expect when You're Expecting this time around. So when we got home I found the book in Magoo's book shelf, and told him to take it to daddy. Brets reaction was shock I think, could also be because magoo dropped it on his lap in the bathroom? Who knows, But then we went to the dollar store and I took about 2 or 3 more tests JUST to be sure.

And after that it was a textbook pregnancy, literally no issues. I did have to have ultra sounds every month because of my BMI. Which really meant once a month I got to see Baby girl which was so comforting. At 32 weeks I had to have Non- Stress Tests (NST) to make sure that she was alright in there. She had us sent to Triage 3 times. Third time was the charm and she was born. Did you need all that back story to hear her birth srory? Yes, yes you did.

It started on June 23, 2018 we went to a birthday party for my boss at a park. It was warm out but not hot, I kept hydrated. Magoo played with the other kids it was a good time. Both Bret and I started to get headaches so we cut out a little early and headed home as we had an hour drive. I went to get my hair cut, just like I did before Magoo was born. Fast forward to Sunday, Magoo and I went to my moms house for my brothers 13th Birthday, I still had the headache but it was so mild I was not concerned I again was very well hydrated and stayed off my feet as much as possible. That night I had THE WORST migraine ever. I mean I was dreaming about how terrible the headache was. When I woke up on June 25, 2018 I knew it was going to be a long day.

I tried everything I could think of to get rid of the headache, except taking medicine for it. I NEVER take medicine and I was not about to start while pregnant. I had an OB appointment that afternoon so I called to see if they wanted me to come in earlier. Of course I had to leave a message, the nurse called back. I missed it. By that time I was already leaving for the appointment so I just figured I would tell them when I got there. When the nurse took me back I told her right away, I've had a headache all day and its not going away or getting better. My Blood pressure was a little high. My OB came in, I told her what was going on and she told me " you earned yourself a trip to triage, lets sign the consent forms incase we decide to deliver you". I happily signed the forms.

I left the office called my work told them I wasn't coming back and was probably having a baby, then I called my mom asked her to pick up magoo from school, and then I called Bret 213554 times. He FINALLY answered I told him "listen I have to go to triage, I want you to come because I think we are having a baby today". I drove home got him then headed to triage. You know when you just know, that something is going to happen. Like somehow you just know it. I knew that we were having our baby that day. When we got into triage and the OB on call walked in and I just knew it meant we were having a baby! We were initially told that it would be around 9 because of the last time I ate and the anesthesiologist wanted me to wait. But then they said between 6 or 7 would be safe for our C-Section.

We walked back a little bit before 8 pm. They took me in and the team that I had was AMAZING! As soon as I walked into the OR my legs got shaky. This time was COMPLETELY different from when Magoo was born. I was awake and didn't go through hours of pushing to end up there. I just worked all day. They explained everything that was going to happen. It calmed me down so much! They numbed me, got me all ready to go. Bret came in, they started the surgery and at 8:04 PM our daughter was born. Let me tell you, sitting here right now I am hit with all the emotions that I had at that exact moment. She was 6 lbs 12 oz and 21in long. And she is pure perfection!

Big Brother, Mimi, Aunt Laci and Uncle Ryan came to meet Miss A the next morning. When they walked in Magoo said to me " Mommy why is my baby not in your belly?" He was scared of her at first because she was SO SMALL. Now they simply adore each other. Here we are 5 days short of Magoos 4th Birthday and Chipmunks 3 month milestone, I cant believe its already been 3 months. Now we are a family of 4. I would not want it any other way!

If you made it this far, thank you. I have so many things I want to talk to you about. But that will have to wait for next time. I PROMISE they wont all be a small novel.

Until Next time...